Monthly Archives: March 2011

The Best Thing I Never Knew I Always Wanted

If you haven’t had a chance yet, check out the new post by @BrianFLeDuc on his blog (http://brianfleduc.com/2011/03/28/being-seen/#). This is a topic that he and I have been chatting about a lot recently. As a department, we are exploring the idea of vulnerability, trying to see how it fits into our jobs and how it affects our team dynamic. So I guess it’s my turn to open my heart and talk about my lessons…

I like to call this the best thing I never knew I always wanted, and it is the reason I am in student affairs.

I am in a fraternity. As I was going through my new member process, I was given several tasks and events that we had to complete. When I was going through them, I couldn’t put words to what was happening to me, and wasn’t until later that I realized what it was; hazing. I put up with it because I believed in what the fraternity stood for and I wanted to be a member. I still consider my Greek experience one of my most valuable leadership positions I had as an undergrad and advising a chapter in Graduate School gave me my first taste of advising in the trenches.

I was elected President of my fraternity very young. I was elected the first semester of my sophomore year and took office the next semester. My first semester as president, we took our largest new member class, one that nearly doubled the size of our chapter. I was riding high. The Greek Advisor for my school and I were on great terms. We had gotten to know each other by working on Greek Week the previous semester, and I considered her a great ally and mentor. I had a good relationship with the administration, they appreciated what I was doing with the chapter and our image to other organizations. They also helped me get through a personal tragedy in the previous semester, but that is another post.

Our normal new member process continued, and I sat by and watched it and sometimes participated. One day, my Greek Advisor called me in to her office and informed me we were being investigated for hazing. I kept a straight face, but in the back of my head, all I could think was, I am going to jail forever (not likely, but you couldn’t tell me that). So I did what any leader of integrity does in a situation when you are faced with a moral temptation. I called a meeting with everyone in the chapter, and I told them a simple thing…

Lie

Lie to the investigators, lie to your friends, lie to yourselves, lie to save the chapter, lie to save me. So we did, we came up with a story of what “really” happened, and everyone stuck to the story. Some people bought it, most people didn’t, but most importantly, I didn’t buy it. So that night, I stared at the ceiling, not sleeping, with the same idea running through my head; “How can I call myself a leader with integrity, if I can’t be honest with the people that just want to help me”. This went on for about a week. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, I went into my advisors office, closed the door, sat on the couch, broke down, and with tears in my eyes, told her that we did it, but to have mercy on us and not take our chapter away, help me fix it. And she did, and in that moment, I knew I wanted to have that effect on students in the same way she affected me.

So for the rest of my time as president, we worked together. We came up with a new plan of how to teach the same lessons and use the idea of rites of passage, but without putting anyone in danger. She never asked about our secrets, and I never told. I was finally able to live a life of integrity, and felt like I left a legacy on the chapter. Some brothers hated me, others respected me, alumni would be a mix of “you killed our chapter” to “we have been trying to do this for a long time, thank you for accomplishing it”. At the end of the day, I had to shave my own face in the mirror, and I finally could after coming clean.

This is a story that not many people know, but an important one for me. It not only gave me my future career and passion, it made me explore the idea of integrity for the first time, and truly live it, instead of just saying I did. The inner-monologue of thinking I was going to jail, to a full revealing of my deep thoughts and fears, all because my advisor let me be vulnerable, which is a lesson I will never forget.

Wow, that felt pretty good to write. I hope you enjoyed reading. Thank you if you made it this far.

My Changing Twitter Perspective

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When I was in Philadelphia for NASPA, I hit my 3000^th tweet. I know it is not as many as some people out there, but it was a pretty big milestone for me. I look back on where I was when I started using Twitter, and where I am now. I started it as a way where I could be honest and vent a bit about what upset me about life, our profession, students, and things like that. Most of the people I followed were celebrities, athletes, and musicians, and I was ok with that. I didn’t want to be ground breaking, I didn’t want to be RT’d by hundreds of people, I just wanted to have a place to make casual observations that (I thought) were funny.

As I began to mature as a professional (and a person), I began to see the true value in Twitter. I slowly began unfollowing people who didn’t provide me with value. If I wasn’t learning from them, I wasn’t following them. My home feed was starting to be filled with nuggets from @JPKirchmeier, @EricStoller, @TBump, @BrianFLeDuc, @torrybruce and too many others who I have had the great opportunity to interact with in 140 characters or less (133 when you use the #sachat tag). I have found that my home feed on Thursdays at Noon looks a lot like the #sachat feed on my HootSuite with an occasional ESPN update thrown in.

And I love it. Each person, whether I have had dialogue with them directly or not, has helped shape me as a professional and a person. I use Twitter because it allows us to see a full 360 degree view of people, their professional and personal lives. We can see how someone feels about the budget cuts affecting higher education, and then what they are cooking for dinner that night later, showing us our own need for balance between our professional and personal lives.

This past week I was fortunate enough to meet several of the people I have only connected with through Twitter IRL (In Real Life). I was having coffee with one of them, and she asked me how my conference is going. I told her it was just so amazing, the conversations and interactions have been more incredible than I could have hoped for and ever experienced. She asked me what the “Game Changer” was, and I said, it is Twitter. It is knowing someone without knowing them, looking at a person’s avatar on your phone when you think you see them in the lobby, and knowing that you won’t have to make a cold approach to someone that you admire.

I would consider myself an extrovert, but I still have problems going up and making the first introduction. I think it comes down to what @TBump told me is the “I’m just a…” mentality. “I’m just a new professional, I’m just a Hall Director, I’m just a graduate student”. As she put it, she’s never been a “I’m just a…” in her whole life. Twitter breaks that down. I was able to connect with other people, not positions, and understand how they really felt and what they thought, before I realized that I was talking with VPSA’s, Directors of Housing, or other SSAO’s.

So, in closing, I am so happy I found this community, that I changed from a twitter paparazzi to a student affairs social media user, and that I can take the next step, and set up in face (or Skype) conversations with people to share ideas and get to that next intellectual level.

Have you changed how you use social media? How has it “changed your game”?

Know Thyself, Ace the Interview

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Ahh, another recruitment season is upon us. I think back to this time last year, two days before the start of placement, and I was eagerly running around, collecting dry cleaning, resume paper, new ties, breath mints, thank you notes, and all sorts of other things necessary for job searching (If you want my never fail list of things to keep in your placement bag, DM or e-mail me). However, there is one thing that you can’t keep in your messenger bag that will help you survive placement and the job search more than anything else…

Self Reflection

It is true. The best tool that I have come up with to help with a job search is not available at Office Max or CVS, and you don’t need to bring twenty copies printed on both sides. If you think about the entire interview process, it breaks down to people wanting to know about you. How do you handle crisis? What is your supervision style? What are your strengths? Weaknesses? Philosophy?

How are you supposed to tell people about you, if you don’t even know about you? It becomes very difficult. So how do you get back in touch with the amazing person that is you? Start by asking a few simple questions (almost like a first date): What do you believe in? How have you grown since your last search? What have you learned? What is your favorite part of yourself? What do you wish you could change?

This is not to say you should only talk about yourself in your interview. Employers want to know about experiences you have had and opportunities you have taken on that speak to the things you have discovered about yourself. Once you know your answers to the questions about yourself, it is much easier to come up with those examples. If you found out that you have really grown in response to getting feedback, talk about the time when you changed your style mid-year after receiving feedback from your students or supervisor. If you realize you loved learning theory, talk about how you used it when working with a student that wasn’t sure what to do after graduation. Just use it. It will make you seem insightful and thoughtful, because after you reflect, you will be insightful and thoughtful.

When I look back on my job search, it was not just about getting the perfect position, it was about finding the perfect job. Sometimes, the perfect job isn’t always the one with the most responsibilities, or the most students, or the most money. There are many factors that contribute to the perfect job, but that is for a later post. For now, remember that being self aware will help you have more positions to choose from when trying to find the perfect job.

So this coming week, when you are flying to Philadelphia, or driving, or walking down the street to the convention center, or sitting in the candidate waiting room, turn off the iPod, block everything else, and learn about you. You will thank yourself when you walk away from the interview table with a big smile on your face because you nailed that interview.

What strategies do you use to encourage self reflection in yourself and others you work with?

Lets connect in Philly! I will be there from the 9th until the end of the conference. Follow me on Twitter and DM me to meet up.