Author Archives: tfritz

My first solo data sort, and a foray into #saass

I did it. I doubted myself, I doubted my abilities, and my brain to be able to complete it. But I did it. And I only broke out into nervous hives once over it.

Ready for it? I completed my first solo qualitative data sort. I know this may seem elementary for a lot of people, but its a pretty big deal for me. I have participated before, but never done it on my own. I used a method that involved a lot of index cards, but I am very happy with my results. If you have not fallen asleep from boredom, allow me to elaborate. But I must first start with some background.

I am currently serving as the Director of the North Engagement Center at Michigan State. In it, I am a part of the Neighborhoods initiative (check out some background information here), which is focused on increasing Retention, Persistence, and Academic Success for our student population. One of our major roles is to work with first year students that end up on academic probation after their first semester (receive less than a 2.0 overall grade point average). My role is to coordinate our outreach and intervention strategy, and work with our campus partners to reach students.

Still with me? Anyone falling asleep yet?

Our first step was to make sure students on probation were seeing their academic advisor prior to the deadline to complete a success plan. In order to do that, we mobilized our live-in student staff to reach out to students and make sure they were aware of their status, and then try to determine what factors caused them to end up on academic probation in the first place. We could not have done this process without our student staff members, and they got us some great information.

What we ended up with was a spreadsheet with lots of information on it, and I wasn’t really sure what to do with it from there. Then I remembered a data sort method I used at Texas A&M involving ideas on index cards, and then grouping them by common themes to develop categories. I figured this was as good a method as any I could think of right now, and started organizing myself. We ended up having 66 respondents, so I took their reasons, and put them on cards. Some students had more than one reason they attributed their academic performance to, so I split them up and each unique idea got a separate card. When the cards settled, I ended up with 98 reasons this cohort of students ended up on probation.

At this point, I think it is important to know that my statistics class in graduate school was based mostly around how to manipulate SPSS, and involved a professor who wore cargo shorts and shiny shirts. The shorts and shirt are the most that I remember from that class, so even getting to this step was a major step for me.

From there, I read each reason (again), and started grouping them together by theme. After reading each one, I ended up with this:

18 different stacks of cards. Some of them were light, some were heavy. I decided to take a second look, and ended up combining some, and sorting a few more out. At the end, I finished with 14 different themes. From there, I labeled each one, and counted the frequency of each response. From the back of my mind, I seemed to remember something from my statistics class involving frequency, and showing it, and then the term histogram popped into my head.

“YES, I NEED A HISTOGRAM!! I WILL HISTOGRAM THE CRAP OUT OF THIS DATA!!!”

So that is what I did. I found some great information, and I will speculate about what it means, and what it can tell us in a later post, but wanted to share the process before the analysis afterwards today while it was still fresh in my mind. At the end, was it super involved, not really, but I do have to admit, I am pretty proud of getting this far. Now, the big step is what we do with it.

What methods are effective for you in sorting qualitative data? What would this data suggest to you?

PS: @lmendersby, I thought about writing the post, and then I did

Everyone has their own journey: #safit

8 Replies

I don’t miss soda. I don’t miss lunch trips to taco bell. I don’t miss stopping for Chinese food on my way home from work with my wife. I was invited to a suite at a MSU basketball game this weekend and had my first bit of “unclean” food in over a week, three hot wings and a soda, and the rest of the night I felt sick. Could this have been placebo effect/guilt, sure, but I choose to believe that my body has a taste of good food and what it is like to run off of it, and doesn’t want anything else. I have had more fruits and veggies in the past week than I probably have in the last 6 months combined. And through it all, I have felt incredibly supported by the community of Student Affairs professionals that have pledged to lift one another up, my Team Beach Body coach, and my wonderful partner who tells me how proud she is of me after each completed workout. But for this post, I want to focus on the first group, the #safit warriors out there making smarter decisions every day and talking about it online. But first, I need to tell you a story.

Sunday night I didn’t sleep well. We got to bed late after the basketball game and had to be up a little while with the puppy. After being asleep for about 3.5 or 4 hours, I was awake. The dog was whining in his room, and I tossed and turned for about 2 hours, maybe catching 20 mins of sleep during that time total. This the type of day that would normally cause me to have a diet coke before going to work, a cup of coffee in the morning, and at least two sodas in the afternoon. Instead, I woke up, had my breakfast shake, had a green tea at work for some caffeine, and was going through my day. After lunch (almost vegan, save for three pieces of tuna roll and a little hard boiled egg on my salad), I hit a bit of a lull. Nothing like the crash I used to get, but not at my top performance. I told my assistant that I was going down to get another cup of tea and needed some natural pick up. She told me that I was going to make her feel bad as she was drinking a Mountain Dew, and from out of nowhere, I said “Don’t feel bad, everyone has their own journey” and walked onto the elevator.

As the doors closed, I thought about that concept “Everyone has their own journey” and realized it sums up why I am finding strength and power from the #safit community. We are a collection of individuals, with different goals, methods, motives, and mindsets, but we are all on our own journey, one that ends with the concept of health. In the group, there are people who run marathons for fun. I don’t think I have run 26.2 miles combined in the last 10 years, so that will never be me. There are people that have gone vegetarian or vegan, and that will never be me. But we can all learn from one another. I have gotten great recipes for black bean patties and vegan buffalo “chicken” dip because the space was created to share those ideas. And we can all celebrate the small victories, whether it is saying no to the cookie (Lisa), starting a P90x/Insanity combo (Coach Ed), or making major life changes. This is a place where you can be excited about running 100 yards without stopping and have someone who just finished a 5K congratulate you and say how great of a step that is.

I realized how much that meant to me when I said those words from nowhere, and realized that while our journeys may be different, the important part is we are completing them together, and can support one another through it all. Thank you #safit, you are helping me literally save my own life.

What is your journey, and how can I support you through it?

Want some support from a great online community? Check out the #safit hashtag or sign up for the #safit pledge here.

My #oneword2013 : Improve

2 Replies

*Tap Tap* Is this thing on?

So I have decided to dust off the blog and start a new. New theme, new year, new outlook. And what better way to start a re-envisioning than with what my One Word (#oneword2013) will be. For those of you that don’t know, many people around the Twitterverse take the last few weeks of the previous year and first few days of the new year finding out what one word will be their theme for the rest of the year (for tips on how to select your own word, check out Becca Obergefell’s, @OberBecca, post about it here).

I always find it hard to just pick one word to define what your goals will be for an entire day, let alone a whole year, but this concept resonates with me. After thinking about it, I have decided on the word Improve. Seems like a pretty easy concept, improve, but I like it because it can really encompass my entire life, not just professional, or personal, or any other silo-ed part of my life, but a real holistic view of who I am and who I want to be.

It really began with that last thought, thinking about who I want to be. Before I did that, however, I needed to see who I was. I like to think that I am a good husband (still learning though, only two months in), a decent professional, and I am trying to be a good daddy to our new rescue border collie mix named Philly. There are a few things that I know I can do better (notice that my last post on this was from last March). And there is a third group of identities that I flat out suck at. Instead of trying to set the new years resolutions to focus on the sucking ones, I think I can improve all aspects of my life. A few ways I plan on doing this:

The most obvious thing I am working on this year is being healthy/well. Last August, I took the position of an Engagement Center Director at Michigan State, and I convene the health and wellness aspect of the neighborhoods initiative. Spending part of every day thinking about the wellness of an entire campus of students made me realize that I am not putting enough time into my own wellness. With that in mind, I have signed up with Coach Ed Cabellon (@edcabellon) and Team Beach Body (the P90X people) to complete the Shakeology and Power90 In Home Bootcamp. Last year brought me many health concerns, which I will discuss in future posts I am sure, and this is going to be my attempt to get back that power and spark I need to be the healthy man my family/friends/colleagues deserve. (If you want to pledge to be healthy as well, check out Coach Ed’s #oneword2013 post here and sign his pledge)
I will regularly update this site and my blog. I really enjoy writing here, and hope you enjoy reading. I don’t know if I can commit to #52in52 like Becca, but I am prepared to commit to #26in52 this year, which is at least one post every other week. If I am starting to slip on that, please call me on it, and if you would like some mutual accountability between us, send me a message.
I will at least, possibly, maybe, definitely, sorta set a timeline for obtaining my PhD. This concept scares the hell out of me, but if I want to improve myself as a professional and as a life-long learner, I need to start thinking about those two letters in front and the three letters behind my name (Dr and PhD if you are playing the home game). If anyone has some strategies on how to tip toe into this area, please let me know.

Will it be hard, sure. Will I stumble, definitely. But ultimately, I want to be able to sit at my desk on January 4, 2014 and say, I really did work to improve this past year, and maybe I didn’t accomplish it all, but I can safely say I am a better person/professional/colleague/friend/husband/athlete than I was a year ago.

Will you join me in vowing to improve this year? What are a few areas that you want to focus on, and how can I/the community support you through it?

(Want to add your own #oneword2013 or see what others are adding? Check out this list and thank you to Niki Rudolph, @NikiRudolph, for compiling the list again!)

Hyper-Masculinity as an Entry to Gender Exploration

1 Reply

As a lot of people that are in student affairs, I am at the #NASPA12 conference this week in Phoenix, AZ. I had the amazing opportunity before the actual conference started to participate in one of the pre-conference workshops sponsored by the Men and Masculinities Knowledge Community. I had never done a pre-con before, but I think I am hooked and will try to do more in the future, and maybe even present one at some point. It was a great opportunity to dive into a topic area and get the ins and outs of the research, discussion, and ideas surrounding Creating and Sustaining Men’s Groups on Campus. There was a great group of scholars and practitioners there to share their knowledge. The things I learned there, and the takeaways are still running through my head. I think this will probably be the first of many posts on masculinity coming up on tomLfritz.com, so I hope you enjoy this topic as much as I do.

Hyper-masculinity. The concept was new to me as I heard it in the pre-con. It basically means that at times, males will exhibit strongly stereotypical traits in order to show the world that he is a man. It’s the idea that guys only get together, get in fights, eat bacon, and look for women. The concept got me thinking, how often do we use hyper-masculinity as a program topic or draw to start the discussion around gender identity and expression? How many have seen, or approved, a program where a male RA will host a Halo Tournament, or steak BBQ, or football party, and then once they are there, start a discussion about alternate views of masculinity? I know I have seen this before.

And it isn’t always bad. We get the macho guys and ones that would normally not come to programs out and talking about healthy ways to “be a man” that don’t involve punching things, or people, and they have some fun. Let’s face it, promoting a program on masculine identity called “come out and break stereotypes by talking about your feelings” doesn’t have the same ring to it. I have seen several times when these programs have been very successful, and the conversation has been eye opening. But there is a problem with making this your soul point of entry into the topic.

The only people that show up are the ones that express themselves that way already. There are plenty of men who are into theater, or singing, or all sorts of other things, and wouldn’t be drawn into a program where you watch football, play video games, eat steaks and cook bacon. These are the men that would bring an entire new dimension to the conversation.

Does this mean you should not approve any bacon programs, or game watches, or other hyper-masculine programs? No, it doesn’t mean that at all. But, if you have a student that is interested in encouraging discussions around gender identity and expression, challenge them to allow for more than one point of entry. Hyper-masculinity can be one entry, but cannot be the only one.

How are you working with students, or what strategies have you used that have been successful in talking about gender expression?

It is “We Are”, not “He Is”

1 Reply

I woke up this morning as I usually do, turned on my TV, and flipped between my news anchor girlfriend Robin Meade and Sports Center. When I got to the update of what happened in Happy Valley last night, I was appalled to see how a few students chose to express their unhappiness about Joe Pa’s treatment. The reporters in State College had the chance to talk to a few students, and their words upset me greatly. As I was in the shower, a phrase kept popping into my head, over and over again:

Being the face of an institution doesn’t give you more leniency, it holds you to a higher standard.

A few students were saying things like, “he did what he was legally required to do”, “we owe him more than this”, or the one that I will address specifically, “he made a mistake”. Joe Pa didn’t make a mistake; he made a decision to only do what was legally required of him, and left it at that. For a person that constantly demanded as close to perfection from his players, and challenged them to live ethical lives on and off the field, he did not follow that in this decision. He has himself admitted that he should have done more, and could have done more. And that decision led to a predator being able to walk free for an additional 8 years. That is the saddest part about this entire tragedy. As my friend Nikki Rudolph said in this post, that is the real issue here, that we cannot forget about.

Joe Pa is the face of Penn State, not just its sports, but to a large degree the entire institution. He is an ambassador to the institution every time he is shown on a Saturday afternoon leading his team on the field, or makes a statement to the press, or talks to a potential athlete. When people think of Joe Paterno, they think of Penn State, not just its Football team, and because of that, he needs to be someone that the institution would be proud to be associated with. I can say that if anyone worked for me that witnessed these horrendous acts, saw that nothing was being done, and was able to look at himself or herself in the mirror saying “I don’t know what happened, but I did what was legally required of me”, they would not be working for me for long.

In my opinion, the Board of Trustees made a tough decision, but they made the right one, and I would challenge people that are upset and outraged by this to ask yourself this question; Would you be as upset about this decision if it was any other person? I will not argue that Joe Pa did not do excellent things for the institution, I don’t think anyone will. However, the fact remains that as the public face of an institution, you are (or should be) held to a higher standard. You took on that responsibility when you became that face. I am reminded of the argument that Charles Barkley used to make saying that he didn’t ask to be a role model, and his behavior should not be held up on a pedestal, he is just a regular person. I don’t think that argument held water then, and I do not think it holds water now.

Penn State will continue to be a great institution of higher learning. Their football team will continue to have winning seasons. The chant will continue to be “We are… PENN STATE”, and I applaud the decision of the Board of Trustees. In this decision, they said that the reputation and respect of all of our current students, alumni, and fans all across the world is more important to us than any single person.

And please, throughout all of this, do not forget what the real tragedy is, and who the real villain is. It is not the Board of Trustees and their decision to get rid of Joe Pa, it is Jerry Sandusky and his immoral and illegal actions.

A Small School Boy, Living in a Big School World

2 Replies

This Friday is College Colors Day, which is a day where people all across the world are encouraged to support their school by wearing the colors no matter where they are. It tends to be bigger at schools that have strong athletic programs, and I don’t think it is a coincidence that it falls on the kickoff weekend for College Football. Regardless, it is cool to think about the potential of having every single former and current student around the world showing support for their school.

Like many people in student affairs, I have different schools that I could potentially support on Friday. My MS is from Florida State University, and I currently work at Texas A&M University, both schools with strong athletic programs, easily recognizable colors, and enrollments of over 40,000. However, this Friday, I will be wearing a different set of colors; Blue and Gold. My undergraduate degree is a Bachelor’s of Science in Economics from Quinnipiac University in Hamden, CT, enrollment of about 5,000 undergraduates when I was there.

Now, I am prepared to answer several questions about the colors I am wearing on Friday, or not even be recognized as wearing my school colors, but that will not stop me. I was raised in a small school. Being at a small school allowed me to be involved in several different organizations, and get to know my administrators and professors better. I was invited over to my economics professor’s house after graduating, and was able to develop a strong relationship with several of them. Those administrators assisted me in some of my darker times in school; when my fraternity brother was killed, when I lost my scholarship, break ups, make ups, etc. I know have the fortune of calling those administrators my friends and enjoy interacting with them as professionals at conferences or online. I wouldn’t change my experience for anything, and often can’t imagine my four years of undergraduate at a larger school.

I will proudly be sporting the Bobcat Blue and Gold this Friday because being a small school boy in a big school world allows me a unique opportunity; I get to serve as an ambassador for Quinnipiac University to most of those who ask me. I get to tell them about our new medical school that has state of the art facilities. I get to tell them about our world famous polling institute that gets mentioned almost daily during election years. I get to tell them about our Albert Schweitzer institute, which has several Nobel laureates on its Board of Directors and created an immensely strong partnership between a small private school in the Northeast and a poor community in Nicaragua that adds value to both places. But most importantly, I get to use those lessons I learned on a daily basis in the shadow of Sleeping Giant Mountain when serving my own students in this “big school world”.

Throughout my career, I will work at many different institutions. Some may be big, others may be small. Some public, others private. But the one thing that I will always remember is that I was raised in that small school in Southern Connecticut, and that I should always work to let others know the amazing experience I had there. Some people are big school people, others are small school people. After working or attending three, I can say that at this point, I am just a school person. Its not the number of students, its the number of caring professionals that those students get to interact with. That is what will make the difference in their lives, and maybe a few years down the road, they will write a blog post about how much those interactions had meant to him.

So if you are like I am, and went to a small school for undergraduate, but a bigger school for your Master’s degree or work at a bigger school, I challenge you to wear your small school colors this Friday, and take the chance to be an ambassador for your school.

Are you a big school or small school person, and how has either shaped who you are today?

Things I’ve Learned This Past Week

2 Replies

I love learning. I have learning in my top five strengths. I try to look for the learning opportunity in all things. This past week, I feel that I have learned a lot, some useful, some just comical, and thought I would share it with all of you. So read on to see what I have learned this past week.

Rice is grown. I was always aware of rice, and enjoyed it. However, I thought it was one of those things that just appeared, and never really considered that there are rice plants out there.
Most conflicts between students can be resolved with the proper time. Parents, on the other hand, are sometimes too set in their ways to be able to be moderated, which sometimes results in me getting yelled at.
The tree that I park my car under is where giant condors are hiding, and have decided to use my car to practice their aim with their bird bombs.
Along the same lines, its amazing what a difference a good car wash makes.
Turntable.fm is a great website that people can have a lot of fun with.
Campus is a lot quieter without students, but I love them being back. They have such an energy that makes me excited to serve them for another year.
Being recognized by campus celebrities is pretty cool. I got to work with the Texas Aggie Yell Leaders a few months ago on social media, which they have embraced very well. I saw them at an event yesterday and they recognized me and I felt slightly important at the moment.
Rearranging your office can change your whole outlook.
Creating a space where you can talk to students with your back to the computer and no desk between the two of you creates more open communication and better connection.
Don’t go to Target or Walmart on opening weekend in a college town.
@EricStoller has a sweet retro microphone, and I kind of want one, even though I have no use for it right now.
Getting into my office before I am actually supposed to start makes me more productive during the day.
I need a new desk chair. I think this one is causing my back to hurt.

I think that’s it for now. Happy opening to all of my #sachat colleagues, and remember, September is right around the corner.

So what have you learned this week?

Social Media and the RA Role: Social Media Dashboards

Inclusivity: You are what you eat

3 Replies

First off, I am feeling slightly guilty that I have so neglected you poor blog (and readers) this summer. I figured I would have the time to write several times a week while I was in the lazy days of summer. Needless to say, my first summer as a full time professional hasn’t really looked like Ferris Bueler’s Day Off. But, I am back, and I am setting the goal of writing at least once every other week once I get through training and opening (aka, through August).

But, I would like to start this new season on tomLfritz.com with a different view on a topic that we talk about a lot; being inclusive.

I was recently asked by my doctor to take this blood test called a Blood Print test. Apparently she thought that some of the issues I have been having recently came from food sensitivities that I had previously not known about. I took it, and, surprise surprise, I am now reactive to over 30 different foods. Among these are baker’s yeast, wheat, cow’s milk, eggs, and most of the other foods that I enjoy on a daily basis (I am also allergic to brewer’s yeast, malt, and barley. Anyone want to guess what those three things help make?). I have been encouraged to follow a gluten-free, lactose-free, and, in my opinion, taste-free, diet. I am trying to ease off on the foods that trigger reactions in me, but find it very difficult to cut it out all together.

I promise you, there is a point coming soon.

As many of us are gearing up for the start of the semester, you may have trainings, kick off meetings, welcome back dinners, and events that are going to have food at them. I am serving on our RA training committee, and have been listening in on the menus for the meals we are providing, see if these sound familiar; box lunches with sandwiches, lasagna, chicken parm, burgers and hot dogs, pizza. Anyone know what these all have in common? They all contain gluten, lactose, and tend to be very high in calories for those of us that are keeping on with the #sa11fit community. Now we are offering students that identify with different dietary needs the option for a separate meal, and I have pushed for these meals to be more than a plate of grilled veggies or the salad that comes with the lasagna.

We tend to look for mass appeal when we pick meals for students and staff, things that are cheap and things that a majority of people like. And I am not saying thats not the best way to go. I just encourage everyone to think about those underrepresented people that maybe have food allergies that are going through training. Providing all gluten free meals and lactose free meals will be very costly, and some people just would not approve. If you are going to provide options to self-disclose dietary needs, make sure they are worthy options.

Finally, I would also say to make sure you take into account things other than dietary restrictions focused around health. For instance, if you have staff or students that practice Islam, during the month of Ramadan, which tends to be over the time of opening and trainings, they are expected to fast during daylight hours, which is when most of us tend to train. Having a staff member that fasted for his faith last year taught me that doing physical activities late in the day could cause him to be lightheaded or weak. There are also students that follow halal, or kosher, or other things that are too numerous to mention.

I don’t mean to seem preachy, just hoping to provide some food for thought (pardon the pun). Remember, when thinking about food for trainings and meetings, being inclusive sometimes means eating outside of the box.

My Engagement Story

Leave a reply

So as some of you know, I got engaged at the end of April. My beautiful fiance, Mackenzie Streit, was completely surprised, which is what she wanted to have happen. Some people have been asking how this happend, so I decided to put it into a post that will be cross listed here and on our wedding website. It will be a bit long, so be prepared.

To start off, I had known for a long time that I was going to marry her. I had been planning and saving up money for a little while, and had planned on doing it towards the end of 2011. We had talked about it, I knew what kind of ring she wanted, but I had actually planned to propose in June when she was here for a long time. I decided to go out ring shopping, and ended up finding the perfect ring for the right price, which moved my timeline up by a few months. Ok, I had my date, April 30th, now I needed a plan.

For those of you that don’t know, I work at Texas A&M, and am the Community Director for an all-male and an all-female building. I had mentioned that I was getting engaged to my female residents, and they had jokingly said they wanted to help. Originally, I wrote it off as nothing, but then I started thinking about it. It could work. The plan was starting to form. I started off by writing an e-mail to the woman who was taking the lead in helping me plan, Katie Sivils, who throughout this whole process was a savior. I decided I was going to invent a tradition, which A&M has plenty of, and I didn’t think Mac would figure it out. So I wrote this e-mail and had Sivils send it to me when I was at Mac’s house for Easter the week before I planned on proposing:

Hey Fritz,

So you were talking to us about how you and your GF have been dating for almost a year. We want to put you through one of the A&M traditions that is for people that have been dating for a year. It is called Rudder’s Roses. The tradition is that General Rudder, when he had been dating Margaret Rudder for a year, set up something for her near their year anniversary of dating. We want to be a part of it, so you won’t be able to do it on your actual year anniversary. The story is that he set up 12 of his cadets around academic plaza and military walk, and each one had a little piece about their time dating and a rose. Several years later, they were engaged and then married, but Margaret always remembers that time as the moment she really fell in love with him.

The Legett Ladies love this tradition, and we wanted to know if we could do it for you and your GF. If you are, I would need some information from you and then we were thinking doing it April 30^th at some point. They don’t know what date General Rudder actually did the first one, but they are pretty sure it was in April, and I know you said she would be here on that day.

It would be super fun, so please let us do it.

Thanks Fritz,

Sivils

Totally made that up. Sounds like a real thing, doesn’t it? Well, it sounded like it to Mac as well, and she totally bought it. I decided that through this I was going to play it off like I didn’t want to do this, and that I was being forced by the students. Kept saying things like “I don’t wanna go”, “This is stupid”, ” I will just tell them no”. Mac, being a Student Affairs Professional as well, thought that it would mean a lot to the residents, so she encouraged me to keep doing it. I “reluctantly” agreed, and we said fine.

That same weekend I was with her, I took her Dad out for a beer. I think he knew what was happening, but he played along well. Once we got there, I told him that I loved his daughter very much, and wanted nothing more than to spend my life with her, and asked for his permission to marry her. I had already talked to her brother, who is stationed overseas, and he said yes. Thankfully, her Dad felt the same way, and he said he would be happy for us, and gave me his blessing. I showed him the ring, and he loved it.

Ok, crunch time. Had the permission, had the ring, had the plan. Time to work out the details, which many of you realize is the most difficult part for me. I switched into Super Type-A personality, setting up timelines, sending multiple e-mails, printing a map with where the ladies could be set u, and having meetings all the way through. That whole week, I didn’t sleep much because I was so nervous. Finally, the day came and she was flying in. I called anyone I could think of on my drive there, trying to get some confidence and calm myself down. I picked her up, and we small talked until 6 PM that night. Right before, I started complaining about doing this again, telling her I was just going to text the girls and tell them I was sick, then saying we should practice being surprised since they are excited about this. She kept saying we needed to go, so I said, ugh fine, and we left.

The ladies were set up around academic plaza, dressed up, and ready to go. We went to each lady, and they each read one of the below memories:

February 2008

I remember the first time I remember noticing you. We were in the waiting room at Visiting Days, and you were sitting at the cool-kids doctoral student table. All the Master’s students were nervous, and you were helping me calm down and talk about my experiences better during interviews. And I thought you were really cute.

September 2009

I went up to Philadelphia for my grandparent’s wedding anniversary. I had mentioned at a HESA meeting that I was going, and you started talking about how much you loved soft pretzels. When I was in the airport on the way back, I walked by a pretzel stand. I walked by a few more times questioning if it would be creepy to bring them back to you. I finally decided to, and it ended up being a great decision. I took them to you, got to sit and talk to you, and you ended up texting me later saying you ate them for dinner. I fell asleep with a smile on my face

Fall 2009

After a late class, I wanted to walk you to your car, to make sure you were safe. We talked about nothing, and you thanked me for walking you out. I wanted so badly to ask you out for dinner, but I knew you would say no. I am glad I waited.

March 2010

During the time where I was most nervous about finding a job, you took the time to walk around Chicago with me and helping me talk through my experiences and what would be best for me. Then we got to walk around looking for hot dogs, and ended up back in the convention center with that weird guy that we adopted.

June 2010

Finally I get to call you my girlfriend. I couldn’t wait to get to your house. The last few hours were the worst yet. I stopped on the way into town to get you roses, because I know you love them so much. When I got there, all I wanted to do was hug you, and we both started crying. I knew then that I would Love you always. We had our first real date on those few days, going to Harry’s, my favorite place in Tallahassee (outside of your house).

September 2010

You get to see where I live now. You flew in on a Thursday, and I drove so fast to get there to get you. You felt the need to look cute when I picked you up, so you traveled the whole way in that beautiful red dress, because you know red is my favorite color. As soon as I saw you, we had one of those running airport reunions that you only see in the movies or crappy soap operas, but it just felt perfect in the moment.

September 2010

I got to come see you now, and everyone gets to see us be together. We were both so excited to be seen as a couple, not only by the people we went to school with, but others as well. I get to meet your brother and your parents, outside of Facebook. I hoped then that they all liked me, and I know now that they did. Your brother worked an angle, like he always does, and got us great seats for the FSU football game, and you got to be embarrassed by me in the stands screaming my head off.

October 2010

Our first “grown-up” mini-vacation in Houston. I tried to surprise you, but you are a tad impatient when it comes to waiting for surprises. We stayed at a fancy hotel, drank champagne, went to Dave and Busters and I got to laugh at you playing SkeeBall, which you got very excited for. I felt the need to hide my excitement at winning enough points to get something good from the ticket exchange.

November 2010

Now we finally get to play domestic couple for over a week. I knew my first thanksgiving away from home was going to be hard, and you made it so much easier. We explored all over College Station, found the Asian Market, little shops, new places to try. We cooked two thanksgiving dinners, and one of them we cooked so well, it was finished about 3 hours early. You actually dragged me out of bed early enough to go Black Friday shopping, even though the alarm that went off at 3:15 almost ended our relationship right there.

December 2010/January 2011

Now it was time for you to meet my family. You drove up, which I know was a labor of love since you do so well on long car rides. After spending a few nights with my family (and you beating my entire neighborhood in bowling), we headed down to the beach house and were able to spend time with just you, me, and my brother. We played house and cooked for Jim, and he loved your Buffalo Chicken Calzones almost as much as your own brother does. We went down to the beach and watched the last sunset of 2010, and I knew that this would be the last first kiss at midnight I ever had.

March 2011

Well, if we survived the road trip together, we can make it for the long haul. Our room for NASPA turned into job search counseling and social central. I got to meet most of your friends from your Drexel days, and spend some time with Megan as well. After that, it was extended family time and traveling all over the mid-Atlantic. We had an amazing trip, and saying bye was much harder when we were actually sitting next to each other at the gate. I got to sit around and mope all afternoon until my flight was called.

At each memory, she got a rose, and I did my best to small talk during the walk from person to person. When we got to the last one, Sivils said the date was April 2011 and the memory was “This One”. At this point, Mac finally realized what was going on (she claims that she was completely in the dark up to that point, and just thought it was a nice thing my residents were doing for me). I said something very nice, that neither of us remember, got down on one knee, and asked her to be my wife.

She instantly said yes, then pulled me up to give her a hug. She didn’t even let me put the ring on her finger before she was pulling me up to hug her. She was so surprised, she was shaking, and it took a while for her to actually realize what was going on. I started to explain the whole process, and she started calling me a liar, since I was so convincing during the whole thing. I had put a few of my colleagues around where we got engaged to get pics and some videos. The whole thing went off without a hitch, and I get a fiance out of the deal.

All in all, it was a great day, and the start to a great life. I am very thankful to all of the people that helped me out, including Katie Sivils, Kim Breaux, Jennifer Hernandez, Lori Bumguardner, Kalee Bumguardner, Christie McKinney, Brian LeDuc, Heather Correa, and Susanna Knouse.